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KEY WEST, FL--Living a life of deception has never been a problem for the troublemaking trubadour Max Lindez. Recent reports state he has been living in Key West, Florida conducting surveillance vital to the security of the country, working exclusively in the island's premier gay and transvestite clubs. Intelligence collections were conducted anywhere from seven to eight nights a week depending on which featured performers were in town and whether or not Rosie's (O'Donnell) Family Cruise was visiting the island paradise. For the purpose of this crucial investigation, Max has officially dropped his name and insists on only being called "Max," a pet name given to him by an older German gentleman when he grew up in the inner city of Chicago, Illinois. Max's girlfriend, who chooses to be called Esperanza to protect her identity, knew only that he was consumed with his work, much more than he was consumed with her. "He's a good provider but I don't ever get a chance to spend time with him," Esperanza said. "He makes sure I'm well taken care of but he's not much for emotional support. If he has a work function and needs to walk into the room with a woman on his arm, I'm the center of all his attention. Other than that I'm nothing more than a trophy girlfriend."
Max consitently reminds his girlfriend that he is the top producer of intelligence information in a field office which faces critical shortagtes. Key West has had it's difficulties maintaining a sizeable mapower contingent due to the high cost of living on the island which boasts a significant gay population. He also tells her that the gay scene is very difficult to penetrate and that his supervisor unerstands his sacrifice. Max hopes that someday his efforts will pay off and he'll be handsomely rewarded with a promotion which will give him a staff of eager younger investigators, following the same path as his elderly German mentor. The following exerpt is from an highly classified doccument obtained by The Citizen describing the valuable information obtained by Max's gay undercover work conducted several times per week. The document has been sanitized to protect thie integrity of the ongoing investigation. Max met with Roberto at the Denny's and they discussed the dancers at the club that night. Max was enamored with Roberto's sculpted chest and asked him to help him at the gym. Roberto said that in order for Max to achieve his fitness goals, he'd have to stop eating at Denny's and change his diet, focusing on a diet rich with carrots and cucumbers. In another conversation, Max met
with socialite Francisco and he told Max that he needs to eat less Boston Cream donuts from the neighborhood
Dunkin' Donuts. Max replied that
he did not eat too many donuts, that he preferred pizza from Big
John's Pizza because when he got it delivered the delivery was always
fast and that the delivery boy
would deliver
the pizza to his back door as instructed. Since he quit smoking, Max would go for a massage once a month. He found out that it was actually cheaper than
cigarettes and
a much better value for the dollars. A favorite type of massage involved hot rocks and
a lot of oil applied
by someone with amazingly strong hands. It wasnÕt
necessarily an erotic experience but after it was over Max felt like he needed to smoke a cigarette. Due to his long nights out on
the town, Max usually slept and asked for breakfast to be
served in bed from his girlfriend which was the
most interaction they
had in the bed. Sometimes
it was French toast,
other times it was sausage with biscuits and gravy. Very rarely did Esperanza fry bacon. Max usually slept in the
nude which he
said was part of his new role that was
so vital to the security of our country. It is unclear how long Max will continue this investigation. Reports indicate as long as there are subversives among the gay poulation, he won't miss a night's work. |
