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SAN JUAN, PUERTO RICO--After watching the HBO special of Oliver Stone's "Looking For Fidel" a confused freeloader headed out for what he thought was a pilgrimage Cuba. He was searching for free healthcare and a positive, welcome response from a government known throughout the world for putting the best interests of their people first. Instead, a simple mix-up of the two countries flags lands the freeloader on US soil where he was promptly greeted by the Customs and Naturalization authority. It has happened before. The flags of
the two islands are very similar and can be confusing to those who
aren't very observant, causing many problems for American tourists
who show up to Puerto Rico looking for Cuba. In this particular
situation it was more than a simple lack of observation but rather
a life-long voyage through mountains of ineptitude, ignorance and
bliss.
In the recent documentary Castro seeks to address the ongoing rumors over the state of his health by allowing Stone's cameras to show him lying on a clinic's examining table, chest exposed with sensors attached, while doctors measure his heart rate, pulse and other vital signs. Another fascinating moment shows the Cuban leader shirtless as he is hooked up to a heart monitor. A doctor declares Castro as fit as a 30-year old.
Max Lindez is 33 years old. The idea of free medical service was too attractive for this addled man to ignore. In his home country, millions go without adequate health care and even those who do have medical coverage, managed health care plans often decide which treatments are given to the patient. Max has been told by many of his close friends and family members that his gas has gotten out of control and needs medical attention to allow him normal social interaction without the inconveniences, hazards and interruptions of his acute medical and personal condition. He's not necessarily a supporter of socialism but he's always looking for a good deal and some free stuff. Making the decision to cross party lines to receive lifestyle saving medical attention was not easy for Max but it was something he felt he needed to do to preserve his personal and professional relationships. "Politics aside, I need this operation," Max said. "Two hundred thousand dollars is two hundred thousand dollars. We're not talking that peso crap either. If I can get this done that would be muy caliente!"
"Do you think I'm gonna let one of those hacks at the Veteran's hospital cut me open? No way, "Max recalls from his cell "My body is a temple and I'm gonna treat it that way. That's why I'm going to Cuba to get the surgery, done by professional doctors who do nothing else but work for the people of their country and who don't get paid enough to be distracted." "If I went to the Veteran's hospital it could take up to a few weeks just to get an appointment and even then I'll have to wait in line with the rest of those scumbags. In Cuba you just walk right in, just like Fidel Castro did on that TV show." Upon being detained in Puerto Rico he was told that the official language of his sentencing would be Swedish and that he would change his underwear every half hour, wearing them on the outside of his pants so they could check. |
