WORLD REPORT

Saddam Hussein Found Hiding Inside Bowl Of Rice - Turkish Probe

INCIRLIK/ADANA, TURKEY—The six month search for former Iraqi Presidential Dictator, the evil Saddam Hussein came to a conclusion last week when the president was found hiding inside a bowl of rice.

The whereabouts of Saddam Hussein have been unknown since the Iraqi capital city Baghdad fell to US-led troops on 9 April. He was presumed to be alive and to have undergone cosmetic surgery to alter his appearance.

Above: Khoi Nguyen finds Saddam in a bowl of rice (click on photo for larger, printable version).  

Saddam was found by Viet Nam native, Khoi Nguyen, during a deployment to Turkey in support of Operation Iraqi Freedom. "I wasn't sure if that was him or not. Kinda looked like this Mexican guy I work with. It's not everyday you find a Mexican guy in your rice so I knew something wasn't right. Hell, it's not everyday you find anyone in your rice. Really threw me off though, I know, they kinda look the same." said the New Guy in a press conference.

Nguyen found Saddam hiding inside a bowl of white rice which he purchased in the area near Adana/Incirlik known as "The Alley," a shopping district set up for American GI's to buy "No Rug Burn Carpets" and custom made suits. All Americans were briefed on a regular basis of the dangers surrounding them due to their proximity. "We are only 60 miles from Syria and Baghdad is closer to us right now than St Louis is to Chicago. We're in their back yard folks, the enemy is here," said the commander.

Saddam was transported to  Cuba on a KC-135E Stratotanker to await trial in the US led War On Terror.

Above: Saddam Hussein's last known public appearance was with Elvis Presley.

Upon his arrival to Guantanamo Bay,  Saddam was accidentally placed in the Latino section of the prison, presumably due to his dark complexion. He was caught and returned to the Arabic section of the camp when a guard with a keen eye for detail and a sharp nose for pungent odors noticed that, although he spoke Spanish, he kept asking for hummus and schwarma.

It is believed that while in hiding he took up residence with the King of Rock 'N' Roll himself, Elvis Presley, while working as a carpet salesmen in Turkey. Elvis Presely is still missing.

Saddam is reported to have said, "the US sucks and the world will be a better place if those infidels would quit driving their SUV's down the block to Starbucks. My country is the greatest country on earth.  100% of the population votes. How many people in the US vote? I was voted president unanimously in three minutes. It took George Bush an entire month to win the election."