Adana/Incirlik, Turkey - The lifelong dream to visit the home of turkeys was the best Christmas present that turkey lover Max Lindez has ever received.

Since he was just a small child, mental midget Max Lindez has forever been fascinated by turkey bacon, turkey hot dogs, turkey burgers, turkey jerky, turkey sausage, turkey roasts, turkey filets, turkey schnitzel, wild turkey and anything else made with that fabulous wonder bird turkey. As a lifelong member of the National Turkey Federation, this was his moment of glory.

"I've waited my whole life for a trip like this," said Max at a press conference held at the Hodja Inn Dining Facility. He continues sincerely, unaffected by generous portions of food brought to him by the United States Air Force, "I'd like to thank my mom and dad, God, Allah and my Uncle Sam for making this dream a reality. With a clear conscience and a belly full of turkey I'll be able to sleep well this afternoon (attributed to the essential amino acid L-tryptophan, a natural sedative linked to drowsiness, and a high carbohydrate meal)."

Max was fortunate to have spent Christmas of 2002 in the country of Turkey, aka Türkïye. He celebrated the Christian holiday in the Muslim country by eating turkey served by a full bird. In addition to turkey, Max's holiday dinner also included the classic sides of mashed potatoes, stuffing (or dressing as the Southerners call it), green beans, cranberry sauce, yams, biscuits with a chaser of 2% milk to wash down all that goodness. Pumpkin pie did not make a showing at this years holiday extravaganza but the ever reliable apple pie proudly filled in for turkey's best friend, constant companion and co-conspirator.

According to the overweight and lethargic expert on (eating) turkey, "domesticated turkeys, or those raised by turkey farms, cannot fly," said Max. "Wild turkeys, however, can fly for short distances at up to 55 miles per hour. Wild turkeys are also fast on the ground, running at speeds of up to 25 miles per hour. Fascinating!"

Max is urging all of you to throw away the misconceptions about America's hero, the turkey or Meleagris gallopava. Forget about the allegations of  Listeria monocytogenes,  undeclared allergen, or pathogen-tainted meat. Turkey is a delicious and versatile substitute for beef & pork and is naturally low in fat and cholesterol and high in protein and nutrition.

Forget about the lies the conspiracy theorists are telling us about how the Pilgrims didn't even eat turkey at Cape Cod in 1621. Let us give praise to our great President Abraham Lincoln who in 1863 set aside the last Thursday in November as a day for national thanksgiving, praise and prayer. It should be duly noted that in 1939, Franklin Roosevelt, the thirty-second President of the United States of America, moved the date forward one whole week and Thanksgiving is now celebrated on the fourth Thursday of November (approved by Congress in 1941).

With his press conference continuing as if possessing a life of its own, Max communicates to the suffering crowd of non-English speakers, "the people of Turkey are very fortunate bear the namesake of the most dynamic species on the planet. I don't even live here and I'm proud to be wearing an I Love Turkey t-shirt. You crazy Turks do spell it a little different but that's probably just a cultural thing, just something in the language barrier. The actual translation of turkey (the bird) in Turkish is hindi, but who cares really?"

"Ever since I was a small child they'd call me a turkey which bothered me a little at the time but look at me now! I don't mind one bit. Heck, you can call me anything you want but don't you ever, ever call me chicken!"