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Top
Story
Chicago Man's Bicycle Trek To See Santa
Claus Goes South -
Fairbanks
Daily News-Miner
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Max Lindez
Concludes His 3,520 Mile Bicycle Journey at an empty
Santa Claus House in North Pole, Alaska. |
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Friday,
July 28th, 2002 begun as just another pleasant and sunny Alaskan
morning. Unsuspecting Sourdoughs and Pioneers of Alaska were not
prepared for the shocking events that put North Pole on the map
nor the events of that day which will forever be remembered. Twas
the day Chicago crazy man in his own mind, Max Lindez, reached
the Santa Claus House on his bicycle, all the way from the Lower
48. It was also the day the ignorant Chicagoan finally learned
that there was no such thing as Santa Claus.
Having
traveled through several mountain ranges, a triathlon, state
troopers, military police, unaccommodating military transportation
and a car wash, Max was ready to meet his maker, of toys for all
the girls and boys that is.
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Cross
(in)Continent Cyclist Max Lindez exchanges a phony smile with
a phony Santa Claus. |
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Upon
first sight it appeared to be the "most incredible sight I've ever
seen," according to the delusional cyclist, and adds, "I could hardly
wait to get inside to use the bathroom, I've been riding all morning." But
upon closer examination of the compound, the parking lot was a sea of mobile
homes, tour buses and shutterbug nonbelievers. A twenty foot statue of Santa
stood guard of the gravel parking lot while reindeer were on display in the
rear, which resembles the cheapest petting zoo you've ever seen. Tears mixed in
with the dried salt on Max's face which was sweat just minutes before his Mecca
was complete. "I can't believe it's not true. I can't believe it's not
true" was all the sullen cyclist muttered.
Overheard
above the cash registers ringing like a Las Vegas slot machine was a mother
telling her child that Santa wasn't there, he was on vacation, in Hawaii. The
elves were absent from the scene as well, replaced by senior citizens and wives
from nearby Eielson Air Force Base. A very inaccurate representation of Santa
Claus posed in a chair was blocked off from the visiting public. It was a sad
day. Though
thoroughly choked up he did manage to spit out a few comments, "This hole
Santa Claus thing is a bunch of bullshit. It's all about the money, that's all.
At least I got here which was something I had been training for for the last two
days. I'd like to give special thanks to the 126th Air Refueling Wing of the
Illinois Air National Guard for helping me get part of the way here. Ok, most of
the way here."
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Personal
Of The Month |
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mullitary_man |
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I've
been told I'm a good catch because I have so much room for improvement,
more than most people.
I enjoy Metallica, Motörhead, Megadeth and hanging
out the arcade. |
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